Heart of a Slave

I always enjoy seeing discussions of the romanticized things in our scene, most of which are associated with M/s in some way – the ‘gift’ of submission, ‘slave heart’, a master must master himself, etc.. In the past, I would get very involved in those discussions. But ultimately, I would be told by someone that my view hurt someone’s feelings or otherwise invalidated someone. And so I stepped back from those posts and generally just ignored them.

Yesterday and today, I broke my self-imposed rule and posted on a thread about ‘heart of a slave’. Now mind you, many people had views not only similar to my own, but they expressed them much more negatively than I did. Alas, I am again catching heat. Funny how that works.

Long ago, when I was first exploring consensual slavery, I read Master Steve Sampson’s writing on the heart of a slave. I studied SlaveMaster’s website, Born slaves, and attended workshops held by SlaveMaster and others who hold similar ideas of ‘slave heart’. I considered myself ‘slave wired’, in that I have a deep calling to slavery, but I know for myself, it takes a certain kind of person to bring that to fruition in me. And so began my path of being a slave.

And then I started reading all kinds of romanticized writings on Fetlife about slave hearts and got sick to my stomach at the misunderstanding that so many had of the original use of the term.

I have this slave friend I’m so very grateful for. he is a slave I look up to in so many ways. When I’m feeling conflicted, I know that his words will help put me back where I need to be. Often, when I need him the most, he appears like magic. We have a connection that I can’t explain. To me, he is the embodiment of SlaveMaster’s idea of ‘slave heart’. I hope one day to be as pure of heart as I believe him to be.

The idea of ‘slave heart’ to me is one that is pure, without ego (as much as humanly possible), and doesn’t require accolades or rewards or even acknowledgment. A slave heart is one who is able to be still and wait, to blend into the wallpaper when called for. To serve invisibly and impeccably, even in the absence of acknowledgment. Full surrender to the will of another. Obedience, rather than compliance. One that finds their spiritual self in selfless service.

I would love to be able to say that I embody all of that, but I don’t. I would love to be able to say that one day I will embody all of that, but I’m not sure I have what it takes. When I think of ‘slave heart’, I think of the Mother Teresa of slavery. I think of things like grace, humility, stillness, happiness, peace, obedience. It is something I reach for and aspire to, but fall far short of.

My view of slave heart has nothing to do with romance or romantic love, with sex or SM, or even with service. My view of slave heart is centered fully on purity of obedience. While I understand how my view closely relates to that taught by SlaveMaster and others like him, I realize that the more publicly discussed ‘slave heart’ doesn’t resemble that much at all. What I see discussed by so many isn’t what I understand ‘slave heart’ to be about but is what I might call ‘service heart’. It is a drive or need to serve, not a drive or need to obey. It is about being pleasing in action and demeanor and service, not about purity of obedience. And for me, that is the bottom line difference.

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